A call to action.

Dear friends,

I write to confirm what you surely know already: our community is in crisis. Overcrowding in the box has never been as severe as it is today. The abominable degeneration of our living quarters has led directly to a crippling injury to one of our most storied and celebrated players. The Commissioner's healthcare czar has promised to move aggressively to repair the Aardvark; more than a week has gone by, and no Krazy Glue has been purchased, let alone administered.

While the Aardvark suffers unimaginable pain, anarchy reigns on and off the playing field. Game participants are yanked in and out of the box on the whims of the Oyster's un-elected deputy. Certain inexperienced game players exist only as proxies or "avatars" for other established players; worse yet, everybody knows this, and nobody does anything about it. Rule of law is disregarded, decorum is dispensed with, and the environmental cost of the Commissioner's neglect continues to mount. Not only are roads and cities in disrepair, but development cards are frayed, and the little plastic bags have holes in their corners. In short, our home is a mess; a hazard, too.

Even the Oyster's closest advisors know that change must come. The Commissioner's own un-elected deputy was quoted (by Ball News reporters) as saying that an "atmosphere of lies" hovers around the box. This high-ranking unelected official -- who lives in the same comfortable gated neighborhood as the Oyster -- called upon the Commissioner to address the growing discontent in our community.

And where was the Commissioner? Deep in its cups at The Oyster Bar, attempting to evade problems that must be addressed squarely.

This is unacceptable behavior. A crisis such as ours requires bold leadership. It must be met with courage and creativity, willingness to concede mistakes, and sufficient dedication to work as hard as possible to put it right. We must be as tenacious in confronting our healthcare and environmental challenges as we are when we bid on that oil-coal co-generation plant, or when we connect Turku to Ostersund.

Let me be crystal-clear about something: I am not calling for the Oyster's resignation. The Commissioner was chosen by a majority of voters, and I respect the will of the electorate. The democratic process is sacrosanct, and popular sovereignty -- backed as it must always be by the rule of law -- is not negotiable. There will be other elections; other opportunities to address our concerns at the ballot box. I urge all my friends and supporters to resist the violent, immoral pseudo-solutions offered by such fringe organizations as Playt Front.

That said, the Commissioner's office faces troubling questions about its legitimacy. If the Oyster is either incapable or unwilling to govern effectively, it must step (or roll) aside and make room for those who can. This is not merely posturing; the hour is too late, and the crisis is too deep, for quotidian politics. Instead, consider my words a warning. If our current leadership cannot or will not guide the ship of state, the tiller will be seized by stronger hands. History demonstrates that power vacuums cannot hold: eventually, authority is assumed by ambitious usurpers. In order to safeguard our community -- and our democracy -- from tyranny, the Oyster must act now, decisively, and soberly.

In solidarity,
The Spring Chicken


Paid for by the Playt Progressive Party (PPP), MMXIX; Luminous Cow, treasurer; make checks payable to The Luminous Cow.