Wednesday, October 7, 2009

The Time For Action Is Now

Dear friends,

It seems not so long ago that we were a community united in concern and support for our fallen Commissioner. When the news of the Oyster's infirmity reached our box, we put aside partisan differences and stood as one behind our elected leader. For a time, we forgot about the very real challenges that confront us, and turned our attention to prayer, meditation, and other philosophical endeavors.

To a grieving community, this period of repose was necessary -- even salutary. Yet as long hours have turned into long days, and long days into even longer weeks, inaction has curdled into something like inertia. It is neither unpatriotic nor unfriendly for us to ask: where are we going? And what are we waiting for?

During the Oyster's recuperation, we of the Playt Progressive Party chose not to press the Commissioner about housing, education, the environment, meaningful political reform, and change we can believe in. Although these issues are as critical as ever, we tabled our agenda out of respect for our leader. It was our hope that after a period of repose, the Oyster would return to its duties with renewed energy and a vision for our future.

Alas, it was not to be. The Oyster has turned up to games intermittently, grumbled out an anthem or two, and returned to its gated community. It has held no press conferences and it has failed to establish a timetable for its return to full power. It is unclear who is in charge: has Cloten's term as Acting Commissioner drawn to a close? Will the Oyster ever return to active duty? Worse yet -- is this criminally lethargic effort the Oyster's idea of active duty?

Allow me to be the first to commend Cloten's cerebral efforts as temporary leader. Despite taking the reins during a difficult time, Cloten has kept his head, maintained composure, and preserved the dignity of our highest office. During the Acting Commissioner's term, we have incorporated two new games into our repertoire. A shortage of coal and indigo was met with a sterling diplomatic effort. Scoring has been fair and games have largely been controversy-free.

By no means is Cloten a progressive. Yet it is apparent to me that progressives in our community can work with this leader. We believe that the Acting Commissioner has felt fettered by lingering responsibility to the prior administration he helped elect: given the opportunity to effect true change, Cloten has demurred, choosing instead to defer decision until the Oyster recovers. If Cloten was made full Commissioner with all immediate and concomitant powers intact, we believe we would have a better chance of advancing our agenda.

Cloten was the Oyster's own choice for temporary office. Time has demonstrated the wisdom of this selection. Will the Oyster complete the gesture it began on its gurney, post-suicide attempt? Will our Commissioner now step aside and make room for the better leader?

27 comments:

  1. cloten will make a grate commisioner. cloten understands the problems of someone like me.

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  2. yeah another stupid floating head.

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  3. What? No! I don't want to be the Commissioner for good! I want to be a player!

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  4. sit on it, floating head. we know you're just another politician on a power grab.

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  5. Extra!!!! Extra!!!! Behind the Spring Chicken's surprise endorsement of Cloten for Commish? Is this a cagy ploy? Is the calculating Chicken bucking for a high-profile role in the Cloten Administration? Or is this a gambit to split the Oyster's support?

    Also, sorry SCOUNDREL, but you know me: I had to get the scoop. Don't hate me, XO, China.

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  6. so cloten and the spring chicken are now working together behind the scenes while the rejects are left out in the rain. why am i not surprised. could it be that the two party system is just a one party sham.

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  7. chinap --

    okayt with meat. working on different scoop.

    SCOUNDREL

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  8. I was listening to the Orange Limbope show the other day and he said that the so-called Million Lemon March was more like the "One Porcupeeeen March". Because lemons don't march! Ha!

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  9. I'm really upset about getting sent down to the minors. For one thing, I didn't deserve it. For another thing, as far as I can tell there aren't any minors. I have my bags packed and I have just been sitting in the corner. My feelings are hurt. New Commissioner Cloten can you help me?

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  10. CLOTEN new commissioner you must pay my welfare because I am on welfare. I am a poor mother supporting 15 children as dependents. Please make welfare payments in the amount of USD$10000000.00. Thank you SSN#1-36675-OBIE.

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  11. the mastermind mothOctober 7, 2009 at 7:08 PM

    i hate to agree with that whack job of a monkey but i have to say this smells.

    cloten was the oyster's campaign manager.

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  12. the mastermind mothOctober 7, 2009 at 7:11 PM

    also orange limbope is a big fat orange idiot.

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  13. i smell a SPECIAL ELECTION!

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  14. tired of the flat duck's shitOctober 7, 2009 at 7:12 PM

    You always smell a special election. And there hasn't been one yet.

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  15. the pontificating turtleOctober 7, 2009 at 7:15 PM

    endorsements are an important part of the political process. when one politician supports another politician, that is an endorsement. it is one politician saying that he or she endorses what the other politician stands for. this is usually good especially if you are endorsed by a prominent newspaper like ball news. but you have to be careful that you are not endorsed by david duke. this is a bad endorsement and can hurt your political future. if you are endorsed by david duke you have to try to send the endorsement back. which is hard to do because an endorsement is not something you can put in a mailbox and send back to david duke. it is like air.

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  16. I still smell one.

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  17. There isn't going to be any special election. I am not running for office or accepting any permanent position! I have to get back to the Dream Team! I don't want to be Commissioner, I want to win the Playt Cup!

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  18. Representative Joe Wilson SC-2October 7, 2009 at 7:21 PM

    Cloten -- You lie!

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  19. cloten quit whining. you will never win the big one so you might as well be commish.

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  20. Why doesn't anybody ever honey roast acorns? I would like honey roasted acorns.

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  21. the sabermetric owlOctober 7, 2009 at 7:33 PM

    As you know, I am no longer affiliated with the Spring Chicken in any capacity. Also, my differences with the Oyster are well-chronicled.

    It is as an independent that I urge Cloten to seize this opportunity. Cloten, you may not want to be Commissioner, but that hardly matters now. It is a time of crisis and your community needs you.

    Public service is a difficult calling, but it is a rewarding one. If I had the Common Touch, as you do, I would be honored to serve the community in an official capacity, burdensome though it may be. Know that I will assist you in any capacity as you make the transition to leadership.

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  22. Dear new commissioner I would like to serve on some kind of panel like maybe a Death Panel.

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  23. sory if i am not as artikalit as sum of da rest a you skolirs. it is hard ta tipe wit jus a shel.

    lissen up I AM STIL COMISH. stop stabin me in da bak. if you wanda overthro me i bet it won be hard cinse my shel is stil crakd. you wanda overthro sombody on a hospidul bed go ahed. and i hope you feel gud abot that.

    chikin stop telin pepul leis abot me. AND CLOTEN i ges i lurnd who my reel frens are. or arnt. hint hint - reel frens don try an take yor job wehn yor sik. nex tim run yor own kampane.

    go to hel evribody.

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